So close to death
by moonygarou
Summary: Sirius comes home and finds Remus and a letter. What does it say? And what is wrong with Remus? Go and read!! (I hate summaries...)


Sirius woke up like every morning next to his lover thinking of nothing wrong. He kissed Remus on the forehead and got up getting ready for work, having a quick breakfast before he left.

As he came back that evening something wasn't right. Everything seemed so untouched and rooms were covered in silence.

"Remus?" he shouted but he got no reply. He shouted once more but he still didn't get any answer from his lover. He looked concerned through every room where his lover could be, finding him upstairs still lying in their bed, fast asleep. Sirius sighed in relief sitting down on the edge of the bed. Just as a precaution he placed his hand on his lovers forehead to feel his temperature. Remus was boiling hot and that was when Sirius noted how faint his lovers breathing was.

He pulled the blanket a little more over Remus caressing then with one of his hands his lover's cheek. Only some time later he noticed, a letter, lying on the nightstand addressed to him. He took the letter with his trembling hand and slowly started to unfold it, which then revealed Remus' neat handwriting.

**_Dear Sirius_**

**_You have maybe already noticed that something isn't right and you're probably now sitting next to me wondering what could be wrong with me…_**

Sirius stopped reading for some minutes. How did Remus know that something wasn't right before it even happened? He looked down at the man, which he called his lover.

His brown hair was marked with grey at some parts, which remembered to the sadly fact that once Remus hair would have gone all grey he would have to die. A small tear went down Sirius' cheek and then he continued to read the letter.

…Do you still remember me telling you about the potion that could cure Lycantrophy? I have taken it; I didn't want to continue with this anymore every month. And I wanted to live a normal life for once. I will still keep my over normal senses and also the sense caused through my Lycantrophy, but I won't have to transform anymore into a beast…

Sirius was now crying not wanting to hide his feelings. Remus always called himself a ravenous monster and during the last transformations he had become very weak. Harry, who was momentarily staying at the Weasley's, had noticed that something wasn't right and had asked Sirius what was wrong. But Sirius just told him everything was fine for one good reason. Sirius just hadn't had the heart to tell his godson that Remus probably wouldn't survive the next moon. 

Sirius now read on the letter wanting urgently to know what his lover had done.

…I took the potion yesterday before I came home. But Snape forgot cunningly to tell me the side affects before I took the potion. He only told me afterwards revealing the fact that it could also lead out to death. So if I should die it is because he never told me everything.

**_I maybe won't survive this day and if I don't you shall know that I still love with all of my heart and that I won't stop loving even after death. But don't come after me. Bring up Harry. Watch him grow up, graduate, even until he gets children someday._**

**_I will watch you all of the time and I will never leave your side._**

**_I love you Sirius and I will never stop loving you._**

**_Remus._**

Sirius was loss for words, but his tears said it all. Remus was going to die just because he wanted to escape from his curse. He hugged tightly Remus' limp form and kissed him. 

"Harry must know." Sirius mumbled under his breath. He knew that Harry wouldn't like to be left as things that were as serious as this. Especially because Harry had grown very fond of Remus since they all lived together. Accepting him like a father, the same he had accepted Sirius as a father.

Sirius slowly got up looking once more at his lover and then went in to the office to contact Harry. He wiped his last tears away and then contacted the Weasley's via Fireplace.

"Good afternoon Sirius. What can I do for you?" Molly happily greeted him. Sirius tried to smile but with no great success, his face was still contorted with pain.

"Afternoon Molly." He said politely. "Is Harry somewhere? I need to talk to him."

Sirius sobbed quietly as Molly disappeared out of sight. He sat down on the chair behind him as his legs were giving away.

How could he explain this to Harry? He didn't have a clue. Harry's face appeared shortly later smiling but which changed quickly as he saw his godfathers saddened face.

"Is something wrong?" Harry asked looking concerned.

"I am sorry Harry but you have to come back home…I need you here…" Sirius just answered and Harry nodded saying that he would be home in five minutes.

Sirius got up and then went back upstairs so sit again next to his lover who seemed to be worst then before.

Like Harry promised he was five minutes later at home. As he entered the bedroom which Remus and Sirius shared, he didn't believe the scene. Sirius was sitting next to Remus' lying form crying. He had never seen Sirius crying, Remus yes, but Sirius seemed more the strong type.

Sirius looked up as Harry entered the room. He patted on the bed next to for his godson to come and sit down. Sirius had then told him what Remus had done and Harry was shocked unable to say anything. Sirius hugged him tightly as the boy started to cry.

"It is ok Harry…please calm down…sshh everything is going to be ok." Sirius said trying to comfort the crying boy. But he knew for himself that nothing was going to be ok. But at least Harry was calming down looking now at Sirius searching for a sign of hope.

The two just sat there for some time not speaking one single word. Sirius brought afterwards Harry to bed who had fallen asleep in his arms.

After he had closed the door from Harry's room behind him, Sirius broke down completely. //I can't do this on my own// Sirius thought as he entered once more the bedroom he and his husband shared.

Remus was trembling and as Sirius placed his hand on his husbands cheek which was still boiling hot.

"Remus please don't leave me." Sirius muttered laying down next to his motionless lover.

Sirius had never imagined Remus dying like this; he had hoped that his lover would just fall asleep. Sirius started to talk to his lover trying to keep him alive as long as possible. Sirius didn't want to admit that his lover was probably going to be dead by the next morning.

"Why didn't you tell me Moony? Why did you have to keep it a secret? My sweet Moony…my sweet…sweet Moony." Sirius started to caress through his lovers hair and watched him sleep during the night.

As Remus was still unconscious the next morning Sirius placed his head on his lovers chest and started to shed some tears again.

"Remus please…please don't leave me…love please…I could never live without you…Remmie…I am sorry for everything I did wrong…but please don't leave me…don't leave us…" his sobs grew louder and he started to hold on to his lover.

He started to remember all the good times he had had together with his lover sobbing more intensively now from the memories.

Sirius lifted his head to look once more at his lovers' face whose eyes were starting to blink.

"Remus?" Sirius put his hand on Remus' cheek and caressed it with his thumb regaining a little faith that Remus would wake up.

Remus mouth opened but no sound came out.

"Do you want something to drink?" Remus nodded weakly still with his eyes closed and Sirius conjured a glass of water. He then cupped Remus' head and helped him to drink little by little. After he had then put the glass aside Remus slowly opened his eyes smiling as he saw Sirius. He reached out for Sirius hand and held it weakly in his own hands not wanting to let go again.

"Remus will you promise me something?" Sirius asked looking closely at his lover who started to look a little healthier.

"What is it?" Remus asked his voice hoarse and just above a whisper.

"Never to frighten me like that again." Sirius answered and Remus chuckled pulling his lover and whispering into his ear, "I promise."

THE END

~*~

I wish you all a Merry Christmas with a lot of joy and happiness. And you will see your dream will also one day come true.


End file.
